Yesterday I made the argument in a post that I am not a “Theatre Blogger.” Some other things in that post have apparently made people uneasy or uncomfortable or just plain confused based on emails and a few comments from folk. Perhaps I should edit my posts more clearly rather than just free writing for twenty minutes. But I don’t want to so I will do the “next day edit.” The “post of shame” although that should really only apply to the drunken indiscretions I pride myself of not falling victim to( . . .yet).
Sunday evening I was thinking about the play I had seen and what I wanted to say about it. The answer, quite honestly, was nothing. Well, I considered writing about the lighting designer who I had worked with at the San Francisco Opera and who I think is not only a genius, but an amazing person to spend a lunch break with. But I was not really moved to write that post. So I did not write it. Hell, one of the best pieces of theatre I have ever seen only got one sentence. And while this was a fine production it was not “best ever.”
The whole process began to feel like a class assignment and I started to get really frustrated by it.
I had no expectations going into the play. I had never read nor seen a Shinn play before. I did not know who was on the creative team or who was in the piece. It was a fine play. It was very well produced. I can’t really say I got much out of it. Perhaps some of that is the fact that I have worked on upwards of 15 “Post-9/11″ pieces and seen I don’t know how many. It’s a genre and one that I am personally bored with. But I am sure a lot of other theatre goers enjoy this type of theatre, they find it exciting and exhilarating and fresh. Still, I could see no reason why my personal exhaustion with the genre would lend any illumination to anyone, least of all myself.
So then I began to think of why I blog.
I am obsessed with the site stats on both my journal and my portfolio site. I find it fascinating to watch the ebb and flow of people looking at and reading my work and words. But, as fascinating as all that is to me it is in a way an abstract thing. I do not actually care if anyone reads this. I know about five people for certain who read this and tailor my writing to them. My parents like to keep up with what I am doing and I am bad at calling home, so there is half the known audience. And then the few friends that read this. Yes Josh I know you read it.
But ultimately I use this space for myself.
I am not trying to divine the great theory of the world. I am not trying to bring enlightenment to the masses. I am trying to understand my own work. Because quite honestly I do not understand it. My work almost always surprises me. Why is this? Well, some of it I cause. I set up situations that allow me to explore and discover things in the moment. I occasion surprises.
I construct my Lightplots such that I have a wide palette to draw from. I think this is necessary because everything changes. The rehearsal room is not the stage and being inflexible can and often is a disaster.
I always include something that is unknown and thus dangerous. Sometimes this is through the use of new and different colors. Sometimes it is combinations of angles I have never used. Sometimes it is new technology. Every show is different but in every one I leave something open. A question of sorts that I attempt to answer during the technical rehearsals.
The result is a final product that I do not know in advance. Aspects sure, but the whole, quite often greater than the sum of its parts.
The first time I remember consciously doing this was a dance show I lit the first year after graduate school. I had either enough lights to do a wacky backlight thing that I had a strange hunch on or I could hang front light. I asked the question, “Do I need front light?” The answer in that case was no. Plus, the wacky backlight thing was one of the best looking parts of the show, or so I thought.
All of this is to say that the process of thinking over what I wanted to write for the “Bloggers night” made me come to the realization that in the end I do not really do this for anyone else. I can’t write on demand. It’s great if you read this and I am happy if you enjoy it or find it useful, but it is just for me. It may be public but I do not write for the public. Blogs are wonderful things in how easy they are to ignore. Just turn off the rss feed in your reader and away it goes.
Still, this is a public forum and perhaps it is best that I work out some of this a little less publicly or directly.
In other news, I am still fucking excited about the show in Rumania. I got to draft in Meters. (Or is it Metres?) Oh dear god that system makes so much more sense. Holy wow! I did not even realize until working in it how much better it is. I knew intellectually but now I know practically. I think I now want to work in Europe solely for the Metric system.
